Friends will be with you through all of life’s struggles. They’ll be there for all your heartaches and your successes. Navigating adult friendships can be a bit tricky and sometimes you feel yourself growing apart. Here’s how to let go of friendships that are no longer serving you.
Breaking Up Is Hard to Do
It’s so easy to hold on to friendships because you’ve been friends for so long. Maybe your parents have been friends for decades or you went through school together. Even if you were in each other’s wedding parties, it’s okay to outgrow a person.
It doesn’t need to be a dramatic event. But if you find yourself not texting a friend back as quickly as you do your other ones, or dreading hanging out with them, it may be time to move on. Chances are your friend is feeling the same way.
You don’t have to be rude about it and you absolutely should not just ghost them. Try writing out a thoughtful note for yourself to read that expresses your feelings. Edit it! Don’t point any blame and be sure to use “I feel” a lot. Otherwise, they may end up becoming defensive and this is where things go south.
They Should Be the First Person to Know
The friend in question should be the first person you tell that the friendship is over. Gossiping with others in the friend group will come back to bite you. You don’t need to add insult to injury and have them hear the news from a third party.
Be Kind, But Be Direct
This is the kind of thing you do in person. You owe them the courtesy of doing this face to face if your friendship has meant anything all these years.
This isn’t the time to play the blame game. Tell them why you feel this way and how you need some time apart. You don’t need to make excuses or go into a ton of detail, but be prepared to answer any questions they might have.
If there’s something about their behavior that makes you not want to be around them, you need to decide if it’s worth sharing. If they’ve said or done some things that have made you uncomfortable, it’d be a kindness to tell them that. Again, this is not the time to attack them
Hold Your Ground
Much like any other breakup, don’t send mixed messages. While you should still be courteous if you bump into them at mutual friends’ events, don’t go texting them later. You need to make a clean break. It’ll be better for everyone else in the long run.